There is this second that you own.
Though most would waste it, heaven knows.
Breathe deeply before God calls you home.
For sins we later can atone-
washed clean, like water off a rose.
There is this second that you own
Buck hard against the buffer zone;
rage like wild fire on the status quo.
Breathe deeply before God calls you home.
Ride the world like a cyclone.
Leave not a breath for regrets to grow.
There is this second that you own.
Blink twice, the pages have all flown
off the calendar, fate cruelly exposed.
Breathe deeply before God calls you home.
Hope dies quick when postponed.
Dreams give in to the death throes.
There is this second that you own
Breathe deeply before God calls you home.
Note- This is my first attempt to write a villanelle.
10 comments:
the form holds me hostage in a away,, yet i feel your struggle to break free in the third and forth stanzas,, not only from the form,, but the monotony of life... very nicely done....
The second refrain is very strong. Stronger the refrains better is the Villanelle.
I do like yours.
One thing, I have found out that villanelle works well for melancholic sad thoughts. I have not written any like that. Howeber, I have read a few like that.
Do you know, I have written a paradelle too which is a parody of villanelle?
This is really good Sara - I've never attempted a villanelle myself. Nice work.
Hi Sara, nice flow and sentiment. For this form I agree with gautami, the stronger the refrain the better.
I'm really impressed with this. I can't believe its your first villanelle! I liked the idea of treasuring each moment, breathing deeply, because we never know when it will be our last...
a message to take to heart...the rhythm of the villanella speaks to your words...i can hardly believe this is your first! thanks for highlighting this form. i hope to try it when the spirit moves.
Very good for a first villanelle. It also has a very bluesy beat to it. I also got drawn to the consistent imagery and word field. This is all in all a very solid poem. Sad though. All that memento mori stuff...I can sense my next midlife crisis approaching...
Ario
I absolutely adore your first line. "There is this second that you own." That is one of those lines that I wish I had written first! :o)
Excellent, Sara! You put me through the paces, the way I was made to feel uncomfortable reading the first few lines, driving home a truism I like to avoid thinking about..:) Thanks for an excellent read!
Too long since I've visited, Sarah. Work such as this, exponentially compounds my regret.
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