I can't decide if being that submissive is a good thing or not; guess it depends on the circumstances and if the person is deserving of such love and attention. On the other hand, it could be read as a person wielding power over a victim. Whatever meaning you intended, well done!
Magical, the unfinishedness in the title, the ghost of a ripple that leads to the last line and the mysterious brevity...
This one reads like a prayer Sara and it is up there with your best work. It is perfect, as perfect as an interjection in an insufficience of silence. I must always apologise for my incoherent ways but I think you know all too well that my ramblings are always a function of the effect your sad serene expression has on my soul.
absolutely wonderful Sara, the title meets the poem as would prayer a moment of superior melancholy. You have found your true element.
timing is used to great effect here, especially the last pause, that one's very beautiful. I also like the way that the poem seems to 'continue' on from something; it seems like a moment taken out of real life. the last word carries a lot of weight with it; it seems to be chosen very carefully; 'concede' indeed. keep writing!
This poem is downright explosive! Amazing! I keep reading it again and again, and still it leaves something just out of reach. Inviting and intriguing. I can't wait to read more of your work.
wonderful. yes i too feel like a voyeur stumbling upon something here. i wonder if the poem would have more intrigue power if you left out the last word, concede and just left it as I...
As with all your work (I read regularly here, but rarely comment - too shy ;)) I feel really stirred by the fact that you use so little language to convey so much. Again, this poem grabs and leaves a huge impact.
20 comments:
What an truly unconditional offering... very powerful! I find its submissive nature has great impact, with a sensuous edge.
I like...
Glad you came ashore the island... ;)
Very intriguing poem. I like it.
Emotions stand out...
I can't decide if being that submissive is a good thing or not; guess it depends on the circumstances and if the person is deserving of such love and attention. On the other hand, it could be read as a person wielding power over a victim. Whatever meaning you intended, well done!
Leaves much as a gift to the reader - well done
Mmm! I feel like a bit of a voyeur reading this!
I don't have a submissive bone in my body, so this was a departure for me. I have to say, well done!
xo
Blue
a bit frightening and yet sensual- I enjoyed it.
Just absolutely lovely, the vulnerableness, honesty, and tug at my heart are precious. Thank you...
Magical, the unfinishedness in the title, the ghost of a ripple that leads to the last line and the mysterious brevity...
This one reads like a prayer Sara and it is up there with your best work. It is perfect, as perfect as an interjection in an insufficience of silence. I must always apologise for my incoherent ways but I think you know all too well that my ramblings are always a function of the effect your sad serene expression has on my soul.
absolutely wonderful Sara, the title meets the poem as would prayer a moment of superior melancholy. You have found your true element.
Congratulations,
Shakir
wow. I hear in this a great deal of strength, and it pushes me to wonder the argument was that prompted this large action. it is captivating.
timing is used to great effect here, especially the last pause, that one's very beautiful. I also like the way that the poem seems to 'continue' on from something; it seems like a moment taken out of real life.
the last word carries a lot of weight with it; it seems to be chosen very carefully; 'concede' indeed. keep writing!
submissive and vulnerable ... yet very strong
Incredibly moving. Lovely.
This poem is downright explosive! Amazing! I keep reading it again and again, and still it leaves something just out of reach. Inviting and intriguing. I can't wait to read more of your work.
wonderful. yes i too feel like a voyeur stumbling upon something here. i wonder if the poem would have more intrigue power if you left out the last word, concede and just left it as I...
I really enjoyed the whole poem I thought the similar sounds of please and concede were really powerful here.
wow, very nice.
a beautiful and stiring poem. I kept re-reading it - it's very good.
As with all your work (I read regularly here, but rarely comment - too shy ;)) I feel really stirred by the fact that you use so little language to convey so much. Again, this poem grabs and leaves a huge impact.
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