Monday, September 17, 2007

If I....

bereft of power
I approach you,
eager to please.

like a child
I long for you-
unconditionally.

stripped
of all my defenses
down upon my
knees

I lay my sacrifice before you
and in a gesture
I




concede.

20 comments:

Rob Kistner said...

What an truly unconditional offering... very powerful! I find its submissive nature has great impact, with a sensuous edge.
I like...

Glad you came ashore the island... ;)

Beaman said...

Very intriguing poem. I like it.

gautami tripathy said...

Emotions stand out...

paris parfait said...

I can't decide if being that submissive is a good thing or not; guess it depends on the circumstances and if the person is deserving of such love and attention. On the other hand, it could be read as a person wielding power over a victim. Whatever meaning you intended, well done!

tumblewords said...

Leaves much as a gift to the reader - well done

keith hillman said...

Mmm! I feel like a bit of a voyeur reading this!

Gillian @ Indigo Blue said...

I don't have a submissive bone in my body, so this was a departure for me. I have to say, well done!
xo
Blue

kimberley said...

a bit frightening and yet sensual- I enjoyed it.

Lea said...

Just absolutely lovely, the vulnerableness, honesty, and tug at my heart are precious. Thank you...

crimsonflaw said...

Magical, the unfinishedness in the title, the ghost of a ripple that leads to the last line and the mysterious brevity...

This one reads like a prayer Sara and it is up there with your best work. It is perfect, as perfect as an interjection in an insufficience of silence. I must always apologise for my incoherent ways but I think you know all too well that my ramblings are always a function of the effect your sad serene expression has on my soul.

absolutely wonderful Sara, the title meets the poem as would prayer a moment of superior melancholy. You have found your true element.

Congratulations,
Shakir

sister AE said...

wow. I hear in this a great deal of strength, and it pushes me to wonder the argument was that prompted this large action. it is captivating.

Nishant said...

timing is used to great effect here, especially the last pause, that one's very beautiful. I also like the way that the poem seems to 'continue' on from something; it seems like a moment taken out of real life.
the last word carries a lot of weight with it; it seems to be chosen very carefully; 'concede' indeed. keep writing!

Fenny said...

submissive and vulnerable ... yet very strong

Ruinn said...

Incredibly moving. Lovely.

Ashley Lyn said...

This poem is downright explosive! Amazing! I keep reading it again and again, and still it leaves something just out of reach. Inviting and intriguing. I can't wait to read more of your work.

jonas said...

wonderful. yes i too feel like a voyeur stumbling upon something here. i wonder if the poem would have more intrigue power if you left out the last word, concede and just left it as I...

Nicole said...

I really enjoyed the whole poem I thought the similar sounds of please and concede were really powerful here.

Brian said...

wow, very nice.

Lisa said...

a beautiful and stiring poem. I kept re-reading it - it's very good.

Ario said...

As with all your work (I read regularly here, but rarely comment - too shy ;)) I feel really stirred by the fact that you use so little language to convey so much. Again, this poem grabs and leaves a huge impact.