Disappointment flows
like
muddy water through my viens-
running thick and cold-
full of all the
things
everybody knows;
nobody's gonna
say.
Maybe if I could change (change)
get rid of all this rage (rage)
everyday day day day
day
day
wouldn't be the same same same
same
same.
7 comments:
beautiful ...utterly..the ending sequence ...up there so good to find you writing again
sara this one is so musical, it is an instrumental, up there.. i ll spend moer time wiht it and analyse its effect with care..
now i ll go brush my teeth and make a less poetic attempt at understanding the emptiness of the fridge, but the day has begun beautifully with my friend's poem...
Your comment made me smile. Its so sweet of you to be so kind to me. I hope today finds you well and happy, my friend.
Hugs and love
Sara
and so i come back to my friend's poem at this hour of melancholy. I look at it long and hard and I realise that you write as would the seamster's thread on some mythical fabric. Sorrow is sublime my friend and you have spent your eternities well in the pursuit of its treasures.
I love this poem, I love its sweet lilac title that seems to confide it all in an absentminded september. And I love too , the typographical wonder that leaves the last few lines echoing with a fragrant mixture of resolve and longing....
there are complicated ruins, there are barren vistas, abandoned windowsills, strange auras that taunt the emptiness of memories with muddles like mine but your deeply felt poems always leave me lost in the mysteries of many nuances...and so it ends here this comment with yet another thought on your beautiful poem '' this is the heart of darkness''..
it is almost dawn here, i hate tuesdays, i hate mondays...i hate the whole week.. i wish i could live in a simpler world...a truer world..be well my friend
shakir
the singing feel created by the repeated words offsets the jolting rhythm to emphasise the spirit of this poem. your personification of disappointment, (as well as the metaphor linking it to muddy water) works particularly well I thought. good job :-)
Love this, like a song without music. Perfect.
Great. It's a song, definitely.
This is very catchy - as has been remarked. I can't get it out of my head now ;)
As Shakir has already observed - there is an inherent starkness to the wasteland the poem hints at in the background. That's what makes this poem so strong: a singsong melody that lends hope in an empty world.
Hope you're well.
Kind regards,
Ario
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